Tag Archives: opinion

What defines you?

A: Hey do you know Bob?

B: Which Bob?

A: Oh , Bob. The ***** one.

B: Ahh, yes I know who you’re referring to.


I’m confused.

I’m confused about myself and I’m sure all of us has been there at some point. I’m a pessimist -if you didn’t know that about me and I’m not trying to gain any sympathy from this- so I’ve never really thought highly of myself. But what I have been relatively confident about myself is my intelligence. Not that I think I’m intelligent but I like to pride myself to think that I am a tad bit above average -I’m average or below average in everything else- in that department.  And frankly, besides that, I don’t think I have anything to fall back on, no other talents, no looks, no honourable characteristics. So when I receive bad grades in school, I take it quite hard. This recently happened again, and I’m now a little lost and confused. Should I find another resource to define myself with? Is there some other hidden parts of me that I can possibly utilise? Should I just disregard grades as an indicator of my identity? I’m not convinced by any of these suggestions maybe in time I’ll come up with a good one to re-calibrate my thinking.

So, what’s yours?

What is that one thing that defines you?

Is that what you want to be known for in the first place?

Can you change how you define yourself?

And finally, who decides what defines you?

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Farewell to the skill I once had

I have genuinely lost all my writing skills. I think. It happened somewhere between the absence of a need to write essays and the not so inspirational surrounding I have at home.

I am lying.

These are just reasons. It was the same last year during my first summer break and I had still managed to produce one of the longest works I have ever written.

It is me.

I have lost the ability to write with confidence. I have forgotten the emotions that kicks in, forcing my fingers to dance on the plastic keyboard of weirdly arranged letters. I cannot remember what it feels like to have the same 10 fingers vomiting something beautiful.

How do I write something that is close to my heart but not too close that I leave myself bare, like a display in the public spaces of free-entry museums? Yet, I do not want to write something so distant, something I do not feel connected to. That would just mean writing cliches and things you have probably read before.
I have a longing to be original, somewhat special.
But how do I even start to be original when I am clearly not.

I guess it is nice to amuse myself with dreams so high I can’t see them  even with 20/20 vision.

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The best feeling in the world is when you are able to stand up for yourself and fend off bullies.

There is only so much a person could take. Only so much hatred and frustration one could hold back.

It is absurd that a person does not feel safe in the confines of their own home. There is always the fear of being attacked, harassed or insulted and degraded on a daily basis.

The fight is rough, harsh shoves and raising voices but nothing beats the satisfying feeling of knowing that you can rely on yourself.


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Hi World, I do not need for you to know me.

At a certain point of having this blog, I realised that I really wanted to be heard. I desired for my thoughts to be understood, for others to at least try to see it how I see it, regardless if they agree with me or not. But in all honesty that does not matter. I have discovered that now. That my goal was never to be understood by the world but by the few people I care enough to share what it feels like to see the world through my pair of boring, brown eyes.

Then isn’t it stupid for me to run a public blog when the obvious way to achieve what I really wanted is through personal communication? Well, I guess, but the more attached I am to someone, I find it harder to express to them my real thoughts. Especially the controversial ones I keep hidden. Also, I must say, putting my heart out on my sleeve isn’t something I am particularly good at.

Writing here is easy and between the two paths diverging ahead of me, I choose the easier one. As much as I know everyone who reads this are human, I do not put an identity on any of you, no faces attached to the views I get everyday. I am detached from you. So, I do not care what are your perceptions of me after you have done reading what I decide to tell you.

What I could do instead is maybe start a project like one of my friends have done. She writes letters to all the people around her. Despite the fact that she never sends them, it still serves the purpose: She gets her thoughts cleared up and it is kept private. Maybe I should start one as well. And maybe unlike her, I should hand them to people when I feel like the time is right. And just maybe, you might have one with your name written in block letters (cause I cannot write cursive)on a worn envelope with dog ears on two out of the four sides.

As for now, I have taken off the link of my blog from my public accounts. The only ones who have access to this blog now are people who have visited it or people who stumble upon it after being on the wordpress reader and they aren’t many of them. So now, this becomes more personal to me, well at least as personal as a public blog can get and I feel more safe writing what I feel like writing.

Ps: Also, recently I was hanging out with my sisters and I asked if they have read my blog and they told me that they had but they could not really understand what I was saying. They said it was too poetic (in a bad way). If you agree with them please tell me. I guess I sound like I am trying too hard half the time. Have I? I am not really sure myself.

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Woo Feminism Woo (Does it scare you?)

I am currently sat in a packed library in between people who are actually working productively (ex: the person next to me with library books taking up a good chunk of space on his desk) and I am not going to write much, I hope.

Feminism. A term feared by most men as it is understood as the movement of women trying to take over men’s rightful place in all possible realms but it really is not. And if you think it is, then you really are the problem because there is no ‘rightful place’ for any gender. There should not be a limit to what you can do or a limit in life you cannot fall under because of your gender.

It really is not all that daunting. Really.

And there are a few things I would like to say about feminism (at least what feminism is to me):

  • Feminism is not pushing that one girl in class forward just because you need to have some female representation or else it would not be a balance mix. Females are not an afterthought addition to anything. No one should be.
  • Feminism is about young, male refugees who are treated badly at borders because they are seen as dangerous while women and children are treated well because they are deemed weak. Why should there be a difference in treatment when both are in dire need for help?
  • Feminism is about rape cases involving female rapists that are not taken seriously because the rapist’s gender. Victims are victims all the same.
  • Feminism is not about bossy women in trousers. We do not want to be in trousers, we like our skirts and shorts and trousers and if we want to wear any of them, we can.
  • Feminism is about how lazy bums leave their dirty dishes to be washed by the female members of the house because it is their ‘duty’.
  • Feminism is when I am being told that I need to be polite because I am a women. Omg, where should I start with this, i dont know maybe, BEING POLITE IS SOMETHING EVERYONE SHOULD BE.
  • Feminism is about not degrading the choices of men just because it is not parallel to what most men do. Like deciding to be a stay-at-home dad or having a preference for rom-coms.
  • Feminism is about objecting the decisions of states resorting to military intervention every time just because they need to feed their ego of being big powers.
  • Feminism is acknowledging that male gendered roles are no greater than female ones. Doing household chores is not ‘lower’ than spending 9-5 in a gray cubicle. I am not lower than you because of my autonomous choice.
  • Feminism is not about women hating men for having different genital organs. It is not about you being male and me being female. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being either gender.
  • Feminism is about the Malaysian gymnast who made headlines, criticised for wearing a leotard but no one bats an eye at Muslim participants in body building competitions wearing nothing but underwear.
  • Feminism is about how female are told to not walk and talk the natural way we do but to act ‘rougher’ because men find it a distraction. The most absurd thing is that these are things that we cannot control. But never have you heard of women telling men to not roll their sleeves, push their hair back, to not wear suits or to shave just because we find it distracting.
  • Feminism is about how people think it is okay to sexualize men and make remarks about their body parts but be all offended when those remarks are about women.
  • Feminism matter because people keep saying no to violence towards women but neglecting violence towards men just because they could handle it.
  • Feminism is recognising that if I would like to achieve something, my gender will not be a hindrance and you will not give me that incredulous look and say ‘Really?’ or ‘You are going to go far because there are not many (insert gender) in that field.’

Uhoh, I just wrote more than I was supposed to. Sorry.

(I never meant for this to be a rant but I just cannot help it when it is something I strongly believe in, and I don’t usually have strong beliefs in anything. Please ignore how aggressive I sound, if i do. I swear I do not go around preaching to people about things I believe in. On the contrary, I never seem to be able to even share my opinions with others. I never have the guts to.)



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Of Political Parties with Religious Banners

I am in the midst of squeezing my dry brain out for a couple more drops of substantial points for my essay. Sadly, that has resulted into nothing but cold dust on an autumn night like this. And thus, this has led me to facebook (who am I kidding, everything leads me to facebook) and I just stumbled upon a post on political parties with a religion banner -Islam mainly- in Malaysia.

I must say I disagree completely with political parties having a religion banner -Islam especially-. To me, especially when said party is consists of Muslims as those holding the upper most posts, playing the religion card should never be the case. If it’s possible parties should not hold the name of the religion at all, keep it aside, put it away, hide it away in that box of unwanted things you need to get rid of. And no this is not me being secular.

Because why would you need a religion banner, religion is not a prop in the first place (sorry for taking that phrase too literally). Just saying that you are a party upholding the views of a religion doesn’t make you a party that actually practices it. Maybe you are a devout believer and convinced that your party is best because it is worshiping God by fighting for sharia’ law and condemning those who do not pratice the religion how you think they should and maybe you are right (who am I to say what’s right or wrong, I’m not playing God here). But I think that there’s more to it than that. As a party filled with muslims, Islam shouldn’t be a name you carry in public, visible to everyone else, but Islam is a practice you carry in your heart that guides your every decision. So no, there really shouldn’t be a choice to have religion as your main fight, it is a given, even if it’s not vocalised.

And by having Islam as the essence, I don’t mean that sharia’ law should be the utmost priority (although i’m not saying that it isn’t either). But really there is so much more responsibility that you have as Muslim leaders, to protect the rights of the non-muslims residing within your vicinity, to rid your people of poverty, to focus on the improvement of the nation’s economy and eradication of unemployment, the fight against bribery and riba’, to stand up for the oppressed (WOMEN! non-muslims, non-bumis, sex-slaves). There are so many more issues that demands attention, issues for you to resolve, issues that screams Islam (just without the banner). And I hope you will, or better yet I hope you are regarding these issues earnestly and I’m just an ignorant person who overlooked all actions taken by your side. Because dear Lord, how wonderful it would be to have a party like this.

The word Islam is not the answer to everything, the practice is.

Maybe i’m just being too idealistic or too preachy or too whiny and for that I apologise and do correct me politely if i’m seeing this all wrong. The possibility is definitely there.

Disclaimer: All views are mine and mine only and I fully accept the responsibility of my words even if it reflects the shallowness and stupidity of myself, a fact I don’t truly deny.

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