Tag Archives: average

37 steps to 25

You are exactly 37 steps away,
And I have been walking for hours
My heels sore and my feet an angry mess of blisters
Even when I’m at your door, you are too far away
I could never reach you, not months ago and not even now

You are literally a grasp away
And my mind has been trying to make me reach out and hold you
Because if I could not bear you in my heart
Then I guess just the feel of you under my touch
For a few unblinking moments would do
And that is a really sad compensation

You are so close yet still so far
I could see how the shadows deepen the crescents of your smile
Have your shoulders inches from mine
And I know this won’t happen again
So I close my eyes and try to paint this view on the walls of my mind
But in time, my blinks slowly wash it away
Leaving dripping stains of what could have been

You are my thoughts at 25 to 2
The reason my desk faces the window
The person who greets me last in every occasion I could remember
The dreadful gloom creeping over my wishful thinking
And I am blaming you for all this exaggerated feelings
Because blaming myself would make this less of a tragedy

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Unnumbered thoughts (0.3)

I am 0.3 points above average, or so I think I am on a scale of 0 to 100 based on my achievements as a human being. I do not know what is the average score, but where I place relatively to that score I am sure of.

Knowing that with your capabilities you can not possibly improve your position, you tend to grip where you are a little tighter because that is better than descending down the slope. And that means not risking being proven or even told that you are anything less of the 0.3 points you generously give yourself.

So, internship applications? love confessions? lengthy, exemplary facebook posts with the aim to impress friends? I try to avoid myself from all these. I like my 0.3, even if it is nowhere near what a normal person should aim. I would rather not obtain the greatness in life if it means not having to bear with some degrading, possibly harsh rejections along the way.

Because unlike those whose life has been planned to achieve unthinkable success, I do not have the strength to face the evil side of reality comprising of blunt commentators and trolls (and sometimes mean crushes). On that particular scale, I am below the average by exactly 0.3 points.

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